Friday, 28 September 2012

10 Compelling reasons why I could never be a Vegetarian

Before anyone gets all self-righteous about animals being cute and fluffy and how wrong it is to eat them, I would like to start by stating: I love animals...I think they're delicious! Some may even be more delicious than others...

Exhibit A: Our fluffy fat-hobbit kitty! We rescued her from a flooding drain pipe when she was 5 weeks old and now she thinks she owns me. She spends her days following me around the house, insisting on every drop of my attention. And watching me pee. Due to her cuteness and soft jelly-belly, I'm pretty sure she would be delicious baked into a cupcake!

She thinks she's people!

Enter exhibit B: This adorable ball of energy is our puppy, Pippa; appropriately named for her cute bum, like other Pippas in the world apparently, just better! I love her more than I ever thought possible to love a non-human. She's so cute I could just eat her up...if I could catch her!

I know, she's wearing a jersey... I'm one of those pet owners. But it was cold, dammit!

Secondly, not all animals are cute or fluffy! Take this breed of featherless chicken for instance. (I just threw up a little in my mouth. I may never eat chicken again!)

I agree, all animals deserve to be treated humanely, even the fugly monster chickens. And some, such as the aforementioned pets(and those freaky chickens!) are not for human consumption... but the rest are fair game! Here's why I could never be a Vegetarian:

#1 Eating meat is my cultural heritage!
Recently we celebrated Heritage Day in South Africa (we have an absurd amount of annual public holidays), also known as "National Braai Day", where we get together with friends and family to celebrate the diverse heritage of our rainbow nation, and to have a braai. (braai = barbeque) Eating meat is such an integral part of our national culture, being vegetarian would be sacrilege! An abomination, or equally absurd as claiming to be the Queen of Sheba and planning on immigrating to Mars. There's even an anthem for National Braai Day...

#2 I'm proud to be South African... see #1.

#3 I could make this my new byline: "I like veggies. I LOVE meat. And then there's travel..."

#4 Being a vegetarian takes a lot of effort, and quite frankly, I'm really lazy! Besides, it's hard enough to figure out what to cook for dinner without narrowing the options by 90%.

#5 Bacon...need I say more! (I guess it's also a good thing I'm not Jewish, and don't plan to convert to Islam.)

#7 I don't do pills, not even vitamins. I'm pretty sure you'll have to take some kind of supplement to your diet since you know, you're probably starving!

#8 I'm kind of a "skinny biatch", I need to put some meat on my bones. (Now I'm just grasping at straws!)

#9 I'm weak willed and have very poor discipline!

#10 There's no number 6. Because, MEAT! I don't need 10...

I'll leave you with the mental image of me enjoying a juicy, tender piece of steak! It should have been an actual picture, but unfortunately there isn't one. Instead here's a photo of my hubby devouring a massive cheese burger. Sayonara suckas!


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